More about me?

Oh go on then, after all I do like to talk…

I am passionate about freedom – especially the freedom to make real choices, not just choose from what’s apparently available. Steve and I are experimenting with how we continue to design and create what we want: the freedom to work for ourselves, be around for our children, enjoy what lights us up and create a society with humanity at its heart.

Through my children I have learnt that every person has an innate ability to learn that does not need to be taught. I never thought I wouldn’t send my children to school (well, except when I was about 14 and thought I could do a better job than my school had!), but the more I experience the magic of children being able to pursue their own interests the less likely school seems as an option.

I believe that every human being deserves to be treated with respect and trust. I didn’t realise how much I wasn’t living this until I became a mother – oh the shame! As I struggled to be the parent I thought I should be I came to realise that as well as embarking on a journey of becoming a gentler, more respectful parent, in tandem I was walking the path of becoming more gentle and more respectful of my own self – a seemingly even huger task!

I used to believe that there was something wrong with me.

I used to spend all my energy on fitting in and making myself acceptable.

I used to keep my critical voice to myself only for it to explode out when I was exhausted from all the effort.

I did the best with what I had but something in me knew it just wasn’t good enough. That knowing kept me searching for a better way to exist. I found lots of help on my journey and found my life improving, but it was a little bit here and a little bit there. Like editing a book – when do you know when you’re done? But then there were moments – moments when I saw something profound, something brand new that completely  changed my point of view. These moments when I saw something were life changing. They didn’t always result in masses of change externally, but internally they completely turned the way I saw things upside down.

My perspective changed.

My big picture got bigger.

Each time my world changed it never occurred to me to explore why those moments happen, whether it was possible to have more of them, and whether there was anything I could do that would make these moments more likely. You see I was overlooking a more structural view of how my life was being created; I kept changing the tv channel to find something better to watch but never wondered who was deciding what programmes to make. Coming from a spiritual seeking background I had thought I had seen it all and had a deeper appreciation of life than most people who seemed happy with their material lives: How wrong and obnoxious I was! 

One day I stumbled upon an understanding of how my experience of life was created and was incredibly humbled to realise that I had actually had a very limited view of how life works. As I continued looking in this direction I had more and more realisations, each one giving me a deeper appreciation of what it means to be human in a whole new way. With each insight I am coming to terms with, accepting, and realising how miraculous and awesome it is to have a decidedly human experience.

Instead of pursuing that moment when I would be “better” and “done” and could then start enjoying my life, I started realising that there was no reason I couldn’t be present and appreciate all of my life, especially all the uncomfortable bits I’ve been avoiding all of my life. Instead of trying to be a better version of myself I’ve started really loving and appreciating myself, warts and all, and the feelings that come with that are beyond words.

Most days now I feel okay just being myself.

I hadn’t realised that was all I had ever wanted.

Isn’t it what we’ve all always wanted?

These days I love to enjoy the simplicity of my life. Gone are my days of analysis paralysis, generally overthinking and trying to control everything – you won’t believe how much peace there is under all that thought! When I’m not being inspired by people I meet and with whom I work you’ll find me hanging out with my family, exploring the world as a child second time round, climbing trees and enjoying my reconnection with nature. I’m really loving gardening at the moment, it’s an unexpected delight of change and growth and the wonder of nature. 

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